Having grown from shadows to mountains.
This morning, I left with Joyce and two others convinced that I would be painfully slow for all 100 miles of the ride. We all woke an hour early and amped ourselves up for our longest day yet- 105 miles. Only a few miles in, Joyce and I realized we had kind of left the other two behind us. Fairly low traffic meant we could ride next to each other for a bit and chat. It was super refreshing because Joyce is an intriguing person and is also a very intrigued person. It had been a while since I had had a long, real conversation. I could try to describe how much it meant to me to have real conversations with such an amazing person, but few words can do this gal justice, so you'll just have to trust me. The ride into first lunch seemed to go by super quickly as we continued to distract ourselves with conversation, hills, and an awesome wide shoulder.
Only 4ish miles after first lunch, I looked up and saw what could easily have been mistaken as clouds. I asked Joyce if she saw the mountains and we both immediately started freaking out. Laughter. Shouting. Weird hand gestures. A few involuntary tears. Making it to Colorado and making it to the mountains are both things that many of us were waiting for and holding as that sign that we're actually biking across the country. I know I said that about making it to The Arch in St. Louis, but this one is even bigger. I don't know why.
For the rest of the ride, every 5-7 miles we would freak out again about how tiny the shadows of the mountains were at 44 and how big they were as we biked closer. In a single 105 mile day, we went from dreaming of the Rockies, to seeing tiny shadows of mountains, to seeing these giant monsters in front of us. 
For this second half of the ride, I couldn't stop thinking of how appropriate these previously mentioned 6 words were/are. Physically, having grown from shadows to mountains, but also our team having grown from shadows to mountains and our selves growing to become the mountainous beings that we are.
Team: Only a month ago, we came as strangers to Virginia Beach with terribly inaccurate first impressions of each other (a topic that had been humorously discussed a ton this week). Now, we've watched each other struggle, fall, and triumph in physical and emotional ways and have grown into a (highly dysfunctional) family of crazy fools.
Self: Several times in my life, people that I've been closest with have recognized a shadow of my self. I often step back and allow myself to get too stuck in my head/thoughts, and become almost paralyzed to happiness because this half-version of myself can only think of how to get by while making others happy rather than thrive while taking care of myself. It's been a common theme from high school, through college, and on into this experience as Natalie reminded me (unknowingly) of the shadow I become when I lose focus on important things and look for fulfillment in unfulfilling places. A lot of this experience has forced me to remember what I hold as important and fulfilling and to take care of myself before I can fully care for others. I could write for days, but that would be far too much information, but I'm slowly making steps to try to move from shadow to mountain, to the fullest version of myself, accepting self-care without feeling guilt, and making more intro-responsible decisions rather than decisions that are good for everyone else. I've been here before, and I know it's possible, and I can't remain stuck in the shadow stage for life.
Shadows to mountains y'all.
Onward:
We rolled into second lunch thirsty and ready to just finish out the last 20 miles. After refilling our water, we gained Prechter to our mighty group and we picked up speed. It may have been because it was flatter, or there was more speedy traffic, or because we were so excited to be there, but we flew through the last 20 miles into Denver and were welcomed by a huge group of Alums who fed us potluck style dinner.
I was back on crutches for the evening, but still was able to explore Denver and join Jay, Dan, and some random alums for drinks nearby. Many of these folks moved to Denver after b&b because of how much they loved riding through it and building there.
I returned to the church with a new excitement that had disappeared somewhere in Kansas. Boulder and then a few days filled with climbs. Life could not be better.
No comments:
Post a Comment